NEW BEGINNINGS

The warrior woman in me awakened as I entered the war between various committee members. The dark side where the members were bullying, disruptive of other committee members and staff. They used the organisation for their own ends of power and control.

The solicitor asked me as Executive Director to take the matter of the previous 10 months of daily litigious correspondence across my desk, to the Supreme Court in Brisbane Australia. There I stood - warrior woman in the middle, with my soul urging me to speak up and out. I couldn’t remain silent in the face of corruption and abuse. A barrister was found to do the work pro bono. The court dismissed the committee and administrators were appointed to take over from the board.

Harassment, public ridicule, accusations and threats to self and others led me to become very ill. I was diagnosed with PTSD and went on WorkCover for a year. I worked with a neuro-psychologist to heal from this trauma, had acupuncture, improved my immune system (which was zilch), and moved to a house on a mountain. I took on a large mortgage to move to the mountain top, even knowing I wouldn’t have a job after I became ill and needed to leave this work place. Spirit again spoke and my soul assured me all could be managed.

I would lie on my couch and look at the trees in my garden and from my back deck I could see into the forest of the national park. It may sound crazy, but I would talk to the trees and ask for their healing. I have done this since I was a child and needed to escape my own family’s tales of darkness. I would seek comfort from my nature tree mother and father. I seem to get answers from the trees like, “Stand tall, be still, don’t worry, feel my strength through your spine, feel my roots anchoring you to mother earth and my embrace to hold and heal you”.

I started working four hours a week tutoring at the University of Queensland in the Social Work Faculty. I slowly built up my hours of work and exposure to limited stressful situations. Towards the end of my time away from work, I even managed to go to the shopping centre where I knew I could potentially see the abusers from the previous dismissed committee.

I waited on the mountain, not rushing to meet my new neighbours, as firstly I did not have the energy also, I needed to allow the past experiences to expunge from my thoughts, my body, my damaged energy field. I am sure I had many holes in my auric field and my chakras which would have been scrambled and desperately needing to be centred and spinning with centrifugal force.

At the time these experiences were gut wrenching, they made me cautious about travelling at night, alarmed at any phone call that came through where I did not know the caller’s number. Holding my breath, I listened to the news on TV in case another item about the association’s committee members was reported.

Warrior woman awakened, changed the way I am in the world. After that, I left executive positions in organisations. I no longer felt drawn to work with committees or boards where bullying and personal agendas ran the show. I went into quiet stillness and nature – trees, where birds, pademelons and possums visited and became my companions. I worked on seeing myself as whole and complete. Not damaged goods, although I might have been in some eyes. I proved to be the round bottomed dolly, that goes ping and bounces back up again after the many knocks. I stepped into the next part of my journey with a new knowing, that I have been able to bring to my counselling work with trauma, mental illness, depression, stress and anxiety.

I have lived on this mountain top for nineteen years now, although I have travelled and worked in other lands. I always return to my mountain retreat, where I have been able to heal; where there is congruence between my spirit, soul, conscious Self and my outer work in the universe; calling on the universal intelligence to guide and support me.

All does not need to be perfect, for the imperfections have their own uniqueness. In Japan broken objects are repaired with gold. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history, which adds to its beauty. Consider this when you feel broken and know of your uniqueness and possibilities.

Franceska Jordan, AM