WISDOM OF THE AGES

I have just returned from a trip to New Zealand’s North and South Islands for my seventieth birthday present to myself and from other special souls. I spent a week with my writing buddy in Auckland, a time of good food, laughter, meaningful discussions, beautiful drives in this lush land and soaking in healing mineral hot springs.

For the South Island I joined with Haka Tours to take flight in a small plane to glide over the glaciers and lakes that make up the beauty of the land of the long white cloud (my highlight of the south trip). I was the oldest in the group of 14 people and the youngest a fine man just turned 22. I remarked the oldest and the youngest in the group can set the tone. He wasn’t quite sure at first what I meant, but with a few more words there was an understanding. I have been pondering eldership for a very long while and when Joanne Fedler from Joanne Fedler Media joannefedler.com, started a discussion on face book about ‘Come of Age Apprentices to Eldership’, I was in. The book being discussed is ‘Come of Age: The Case for Eldership in a Time of Trouble’ by Stephen Jenkinson.

My questions are, “how do we compensate and give of our eldership other than to family not there? How do we negotiate necessary boundaries with family, friends, acquaintances’, while providing support and guidance?” It could be that eldership is the wisdom to be both. Knowing one’s own boundaries and where to draw the line. I have chosen to be there for others where we have made families of choice and not only of blood. My time with my grandchildren is precious and I make very effort to be there for them and their parents. This has meant that I have put my own needs secondary to theirs, in service of being an elder, as Jenkinson so eloquently points out.  Not having known my grandparents and my children not knowing their maternal grandparents, due to living in exile and living in countries other than where extended family lived. I have sought to be there even more for my family, especially later in my life. Having had this feeling of not knowing my extended family, I have wanted to be there for the younger generations that are also experiencing possible dislocation and isolation. I have felt in my counselling practice that I am the mother figure, though within the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship. There are so many ways to be there for others. Can we create a rainbow bridge that connects our hearts with the hearts of others in need?

Franceska Jordan AM